TIE HoyMy child won’t listen — is it puberty, cultural clash or something serious?
You think it is rebellion. First sort it: communication failure from language barriers, value collision from cultural differences, or genuine need for a psychologist.
How do I tell which one it is?
Three sources, three completely different responses.
1. Language barrier: the child understood you but cannot express their thoughts in your language. Looks like defiance, actually cannot articulate.
2. Cultural difference: your values diverged — you expect obedience, they expect respect. Both systems are correct but incompatible.
3. Needs professional help: behaviour exceeds normal resistance — persistent refusal to communicate with anyone, self-harm, extreme mood swings. This needs a psychologist.
How to communicate?
Respect, equality, space, patience.
The child mostly does not want to share but can still be reached. Equal dialogue, not top-down orders. Ask their view, not your conclusion.
What to do
Observe behaviour. Distinguish three sources.
Bring
- Behaviour log
- Three-source judgment
Steps
- Is the child ‘won’t say’ or ‘can’t say’?
- If value clash: find common ground, not forced agreement.
- If behaviour exceeds normal: contact school counsellor.
- Regardless: respect, equality, space.
Basis
In immigrant families, child ‘not listening’ has three sources: language barrier (communication failure), cultural difference (value collision), psychological issue (needs professional intervention). Mixing them leads to wrong interventions.
More questions
How do I know if a psychologist is needed?
Signals: persistent refusal to communicate with anyone (not just you), self-harm, extreme mood swings, complete social withdrawal.
If they only avoid you but are fine with friends — more likely cultural or puberty.
When unsure, start with the school counsellor.